Fears...

Some people can look on the outside and think "Wow, she is crazy! why would she choose to have a Home Birth?" Matter of fact I think my Husband has thought the same thing. By now I feel he has a true understanding why I need to do this. In my mind I have battled over this decision since day one. This is what god wants me to do. It sounds so crazy saying out loud, but its the truth. I just finished the invitations for the Blessingway (which I will get back to later) it made me even more ready to do this Birth knowing what kind of support I will have. I know god is there and guiding me. I can't stop thinking about the words in Holly Spears song called Crossroads. Its like the words are coming straight from God. "I am the way... I am the truth... I am the life... I bring you love... I give you strength... I take away all your worries" Isn't this all I need? Really? What else do I need? I keep repeating the song in my car over and over. It gives me chills because I know those are the exact words God is telling me.

Just because I have God on my side doesn't mean I don't have any Fears. Should I have Fears? the answer is "NO" (Jameson just gave me a big kick :) ) But I shouldn't because there is NOTHING to FEAR when God is on your side. But there are Fears that I still need to work on... Here are the fears I have had to work through this week... Sorry if this is random...

1) Blessingway invite list. I didn't want to hurt any ones feelings, but I know that the Blessingway would not be enjoyable to some people and I needed people there that I could trust to give there 100%. so the invite list is very strange to some people, but not to me and God.

2) Not feeling the baby move. Yep, I know I over think things. I am really trying to work through them. I have told myself 3 times to not go to the hospital. When I decided to relax towards the end of the week and leave it to God and Jameson, he wouldn't stop moving!

3) Do I have the right Midwife? My Midwife rescheduled an appointment last week and I kind of went crazy. I thought "Oh my gosh should I trust her?!" I even freaked out more when I realized how limited my choices were for a Midwife in Cincinnati. I decided to give it to God. we have an appointment with her tomm.

4) What if the baby is breech? Now the chances of this I feel are pretty slim, but the chances way pretty high on my Grandmother who had a birth naturally breech and an Uncle who delivered a breech baby naturally. So I have a lot of questions that need to be answered for them.

5)Friends and family support. Oh my my my... This is the worst! I love my friends and family, but that doesn't mean I have 100% of their support. It is frustrated sometimes to have to convince people everyday of why I am doing what I am doing. I really don't feel that I should, but I do. Its important to me to have their support. And the ones that I don't care if I have their support I just get really frustrated arguing my point.

All these Fears can be healed and done away with by God's words. That is all I need. It takes a lot of praying and I am probably not doing enough.